


Gone were his Senses

by The_Norsiest



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Grief, M/M, Minor Violence, Not exactly explicit but suggestive, Pon Farr, an alternative to canon, slight angst, vague descriptions of love making
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Norsiest/pseuds/The_Norsiest
Summary: Alternative to canon Amok Time.Prompt from tumblr:Jadztone wrote: OMG, but can you imagine if when they were rolling in the sands, Spock started kissing Jim…and then they were making out…and Jim gives zero fucks that people were watching because it was finally happening.And then…and then McCoy’s drug kicks in and Jim slides into unconsciousness internally screaming nooooo goddammit!And poor Spock thinks he fucked his Captain to death.Marlinspirkhall wrote: Someone write this!And so I did…
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 47
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

Jim could feel the hot sand pressing against his back. Spock’s strong arms grappled with him against the Lirpa, the only barrier between them. Each pushed with all his might and the metal bar groaned, threatening to break with the pressure. There was a surge of strength on Spock’s end and Kirk’s arms went flying up with the force exerted, the weapon thrown across the ground. It was only them now. Only two bodies sweating in the Vulcan heat, panting in the thin air as they struggled for dominance.

It was all Kirk could do to hold the other man at bay, but he didn’t want to hurt him. Spock’s face was lowered over his own, ripe with an anguished expression; the blood fever apparent in his eyes that must be sated. ‘If only I could help’ Kirk thought desperately ‘if only I could end this madness for you’. Something passed between them in that moment. Some realization. The arms slightly loosened in their grip and Spock’s face came all the closer to Kirk’s.

‘You can’ the not quite a voice pleaded and before Jim knew what was happening Spock’s mouth was on his like a dream come to fruition. His supple lips pressed against the captain’s own. His tongue even came out to ram deeply into his mouth. He even bit at the man’s lip in ravanis state. It couldn’t be real, could it? Surely this wasn’t happening, but the gasps of shock from the others told Kirk that it was.

Jim slipped his hands from the pressured hold. He pushed, rolling Spock over on his back, taking a moment away from the passionate embrace to stare down at him. ‘Is this really what you want?’ he asked with his thoughts ‘Do you want ME Spock?’ The dark eyes stared back at him; for a moment the insanity cleared just enough that he could be believed in his sincerity “please captain” he uttered wantonly. 

Kirk didn’t need more incentive than that. No longer fighting with the Vulcan he now struggled with his clothing. The shirt so easily ripped from his own body (as many of his did) but Spock’s uniform was almost as steadfast as the man who bore it. The man pried until the bare chest of thick hair was revealed and slid his hands eagerly across the muscular torso. Oh how many times had he dreamed of doing just that?

Spock sat up, Kirk still straddling him and their mouths met again as the clinging of the bells sounded. The procession party shaking them as was custom during the ritual. McCoy looked on in shock but was unable to bring himself to look away as the men made out before them. They all watched as Vulcan hands trailed against human skin and Kirk ran his fingers through Spock’s black hair. The bells covering the sound of their groans. T’Pring raised a brow at the lewd display as Stonn tilted his head in curiosity. T’pau however remained as rigged and silent as before; quietly approving of this peaceful solution rather than the bloody death. 

Kirk leaned in and found his lips against Spock’s neck. His first officer unable to stop the calls of pleasure in his fevered state. ‘Yes Jim, more, please’ the sound of his thoughts growing louder in Kirk’s head. His mouth found the lobe of the Vulcan’s ear and Spock nearly threw him aside as he turned them back over. His strength, effectively superior to the humans as he began to pull at his trousers.

Kirk soon found himself completely exposed on the once battlefield. Naked before the audience. But he didn’t care, all he could see was Spock, all he cared about was Spock. His skin relished the feeling of Spock gliding over him, kissing him hard and grabbing his back to pull him close. Still half clothed Spock bucked against the man beneath. Kirk’s mind was completely lost to the rapture.

It was happening! It was finally happening. He would be with Spock. He would have this man for his lover and there would be no denying their bond ever again. No denying the love and affection between them. It was more than sex, more than some primal alien mating cycle. Kirk knew if this happened now it would mean it could happen again. That they could finally drop the formality and simply be united. He could love openly, freely, and Spock would be his at last. 

It was happening, wasn’t it?

He felt lightheaded as Spock removed the rest of his clothing. He saw the dimming of the sun as he felt the first thrust. Hands and legs and mouths pressed to one another in a symphony of need. But the feeling itself started to fade. Kirk himself had started to go numb to all sensation! Why? And he remembered the plan Bones had set into place. No! This couldn’t happen. Not now! Why now?! 

Jim fought with everything he could to stay conscious as the medicine began to overtake him. Gone were the kisses and the touches and raw sexual energy. Gone was the hope and the joy and the over abundance of desire being fulfilled. Gone was the chance for Kirk to show this man he loved just how much he was willing to do for him.

It was all gone and only the cry of frustration remained.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to request I wrote the aftermath.

Spock splashed water over his face alone in his quarters. He could feel the dripplets as they cascaded down his neck, chest and then slid off his still naked body. The darkness of his quarters brought little calm to the still raging mind of the Vulcan man. Hunched over the sink he took deep and ragged breaths. ‘It couldn’t be real’, he felt the urge to lie to himself, ‘it just couldn’t have been’. With one blink of his eye he was back to the planet-

_He picked up the lipra and Spock’s mind was lost amid the emotion and instinct. He found himself void of reason and logic, the two constants in his life replaced now by the madness. The fever!_

_The world was a fog to Spock as slashed out with his weapon. The long bar which ended in blade tore into a shirt. The only truth he knew was the enemy before him. He had to fight him, to satisfy the urge for physical release. And oh how he needed release. To stop the ache of his head and the strain of his muscles and oh yes, the throbbing of his groin._

_“Madness” was not sufficient in title for the rage of unchecked sentiment taking over. He wanted, no, needed to be rid of it by any and all means! He threw aside the weapon and it clanked against the ground. Nothing more lay between himself and his adversary as Spock tore at him against the sands like a wild shelat. Ready to consume him if given half the chance._

Spock pushed the memory away from his mind. Stumbling to the storage compartment he relied heavily on his bed for support. Was it so difficult to put on a uniform? No, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to focus on the task. 

_He could see the blood as it streaked across the chest. The hard nipples exposed to the dry Vulcan air._

Spock sat on the bed and stared at the fabric as his mind raced again with the thoughts he did not summon. 

_He was over top of him now, grappling, struggling, he could only see green and hear heart thumping in his chest. With victory, with the death of his enemy he would know relief once again. That was when the thought broke through; ‘If only I could end this for you’ it had said. That was when something took hold._

_Desire!_

_He felt desire as it shot through his mind in a way he’d never experienced it before. A stream not of thoughts but of feelings poured over him like seething tea over ice. It was Jim. It was all of Jim and all the ways he’d ever wanted him, ever loved him, every care and concern he’d ever had for him, every sacrifice he’d ever made for his first officer. It was love, as the human knew it, as the Vulcan understood it, and it spread throughout his body to satiate every tendril of every nerve. With his mind, with the simple plea Kirk had offered himself like a lamb to the slaughter of Spock’s hunger. And Spock, in turn, had accepted with an open mind, body and Katra._

_He kissed him. At long last and without hesitation or reserve. Without regard for the others that watched on, only vaguely aware of their presence in his reality. His mind blocking the image, preferring the splendor of his conquest as if the other man were his entire world. He touched, he devoured, and oh Surak how freeing it had been!_

As Spock pulled on his pants he recalled the bells as they chimed around him. The noise had helped to block out all other assaults on his ears. Their vague clank blurring with the here and now as if he could hear them again. As if the ringing had never stopped.

‘Yes Jim, more, please’ he had begged with a resolve he’d not questioned. The captain, his captain responding to his needs. The words echoed through his mind then as they echoed through his mind now as he was on the ship. Holding his head in hand as he tried in vain to stop reliving those moments. This nightmare that couldn’t be real. 

He’d been rough, rabid and raw. 

He remembered that as he moved down the corridor, now fully clothed but feeling bare against the consequences of his actions. Though nothing, in truth, could compare to this suffering. Nothing could hurt as much as the weight against his heart. To live with the knowledge of what he had done. Stripped of his intemperance he could only, as the human’s said “face the music.” 

_He was animalistic, Spock would take Jim in ways no human or Vulcan had ever known. The power, the drive to do so was insurmountable._

The remorse of such a thought drug at Spock, pulled him down into the depths of his own grief as he walked into sickbay. He recalled the way he’d removed his pants in hurried anticipation. The way he’d found himself over top of Jim...Spock shook his head before McCoy even knew he was there, trying to rid his mind of the image, of the way he had... he had... No! he wouldn’t recall that way he had... with such little preparation... with such strength! He’d known that it would be painful but he hadn’t realized that it… that the very act itself could kill! 

McCoy rose to greet Spock who was lost to his own despair. 

_Jim was laying there responding to his body. Jim was moaning shamelessly with pleasure as Spock ran his hands about his naked form; kissing him with his fingers. He was arching his back with want. He was guiding the Vulcan with his thoughts, letting him know exactly what he’d expected. Spock positioned himself to enter and when he saw Kirk’s eyes roll back in his head with the thrust he’d assumed it was from exhilaration. Again, and again he had made the motion, but then... Jim wasn’t moving. He didn’t open his eyes and he didn’t call out with joy or pain. It took far too long for Spock to understand, to fully comprehend, that he had... murdered his captain. That he had killed him with his-_

“Spock” McCoy broke through the mental image. 

“Doctor” he said, pulling away from the recollection. McCoy was attempting to say something but Spock couldn’t help the rush of words from his mouth. “I shall be resigning my commission immediately of course.” his tone was abundant with sorrow. “There can be no excuse for the crime to which I am guilty-“

“But Spock-” 

“Furthermore I shall order Mr. Scott to take immediate command of this vessel.” 

There was movement behind him though Spock hadn’t sensed it “Don’t you think you better check with me first?” Kirk asked.

Spock felt a flash of electricity as he turned around and spied the face of Kirk. Just as before he felt his inner voice telling him this couldn’t be real. Though now it wasn’t with the pangs of misery but with the breath of relief. “Captain” he mumbled in astonishment, unable to tear his eyes away from the beautiful image. 

He felt his face rise up as the dawning of realism settled in. Kirk was here- Spock’s lips parted. Kirk was alive- Spock’s smile was larger than any he’d ever exhibited before. He hadn’t killed him by way of penetration- Spock grabbed him by the shoulders and turned. 

“Jim!” 

The excitement overtook spock and without qualm he pressed his lips fully against the other man’s in a firm embrace. They lingered, savoring the physical reassurance of the life not lost. Though he did lose time as he held fast against the mouth, pressing it until satisfaction was had. Pulling away just enough to stare into those deep hazel eyes that sparkled with existence. 

Jim was smiling. Bones had rolled his eyes and left the room. Spock found himself again and released the captain. He straightened into his sevre posture to demonstrate his ability to restrain. “I am… pleased captain, but I am somewhat at a loss to understand it however…” 

Kirk let out the smallest laugh and reached up to touch Spock’s face, brushing the smooth skin that was the Vulcan’s cheek. For once the other allowed the intimate gesture, closing his eyes and honing in on the sensation of fingers gracing his face. “I think you do understand Mr. Spock and so do I.” Jim said, moving in all the nearer.

This kiss was more sensual and slow, Kirk taking his time to savor the sweet sensation; brushing his mouth against those parted lips before allowing his tongue to glide in and roam where he pleased. He held the back of Spock’s head with one hand to keep him steady as he assaulted the other with his eager kiss. His mouth ravaging his first commander’s while his other hand trailed over the Vulcan’s back and slid to pull at his shirt. His hand found flesh again. Cooler than it was on the sands but just as effective in bringing on the rise of his-

“Captain” Spock breathed “... we can not” he lied, feeling the pressure of his logic to go against the blooming of his own biology. 

Kirk leaned back just enough to catch those dark eyes in his. He gripped the man’s hip and pulled him in, shoving their lower selves together so Spock could feel the heat of what the kiss had done. 

“No more hiding how we feel” he said, kissing the man’s cheek. “No more games of pretending we don’t catch the other staring” he kissed along the jaw. “We’re done with that” kissing the junction where the jaw met the neck. Spock tilted his head to give the other room, his breath catching with the sensation as Kirk’s voice was deep against his ear. “I want you Spock, and you want me and neither of us is letting this opportunity pass, do you understand?” not allowing him to answer as he kissed him once again. It was all but an order. 

Spock felt the exhilaration of the hold, so firm and ‘take charge’. The voice so full of determination made his knees weak as he was pushed back onto the medical bed, falling with ease as Kirk overtook him. The taste of his mouth, his skin and other parts of his body would soon pass his tongue as they explored each other to the fullest degree. The sight of him bare again, muscular and thick. Those eyes burning into his own as they made love was more maddening than the fever itself. Their bodies entwined. Their natures taking hold. It wasn’t long till they continued what they’d started down on the planet. Alone in sickbay as they would have in the sands, before the procession, McCoy and Surak himself. Spock felt the loss of himself in that moment.

Gone were all his fears and trepidations. Gone were the walls and barriers he’d once raised. 

Gone were his senses completely as they were lost to the carnal desire until all that remained was the encompassing furry of their passion taking hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't flow quite as well as the first part but I did attempt to give it the same flavor. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
